....a new beginning.
Yesterday may only exist in the past, in permitted memories.
Forsaking that, well, then i am forsaken.
No longer am i numb as i once was and have trained myself to be. I am not a servant, I am not a shell. I deserve to feel and so I shall, from now on.
I lay here, in my first solitary sanctuary since i can even remember and i am happy.
But as the numbness fades, the icy-cold emotions thaw, i find myself left with the pain i happily chose to ignore for so long.
After focusing my thoughts and emotions on all the bad, and acting without censor I am now sobering my heart, and i realise that i have lost. That I did love, that i was love, and that I chose to let go. The consequence of that letting go is that now that man wants none of me, not my voice, nor my words, nor any association with anything that i am, and this is what hurts the most...for I tried to love him, I truly did.
So I lay here alone, pondering, sad and feeling great remorse..but with the opportunity to start anew, alone.
Forever shall i wonder if I let go of fate for fear of complacency.
And although I then laid awake, unsatisfied and sad in his bed, it's only now i remember when we were beautiful... when we made love on a remote beach, when we smiled across crowded rooms, when we broke bread together and it was more than bread, when the music we listened to was more than music. It's only now that its too late that I see what i should have seen so long ago.
Grant me serenity. Grant me strength. Grant me courage.
Grant me love. Unveiled and nude.
